June 19, 2008

What have you done for me lately?




When you are going through a big change in your life, it is very easy to get caught up in your own drama. Anyone know what I mean? I admit that I have fallen deep into my own drama a few times before :) so I am speaking from my own experience when I write this entry.

I know what it feels like to reach out to someone in a moment of desperation and not really get the response you need. It hurts.
When you feel let down by someone, disappointed that they weren´t there for you the way that you needed them to be, you might think that the relationship is superficial or fragile. What we may not consider is that they too may be going through something quite significant in their lives, deep in their own drama and aren´t really hearing you. Or, they may not know how to react to your crisis. Unless they are a trained counsellor it is likely, that your friend that answer your pleads in the middle of the night might not know how to respond to your panicked state.

Evaluate your behaviour, what do you really need from your friend? When you have identified what you need from them, tell them. For example, if you need to talk and them to listen, tell them and say, ¨Hey Friend, I am so stressed out and need to vent, can I use your ear? You don´t have to do a thing, just listen. Thank you!¨ They will likely be grateful and very willing to help you. In order to maintain a friendship when each of you wants or needs something more out of the relationship, create some boundaries and clearly communicate together around shared expectations and needs.

Also, consider whether you are taking more than you are giving from the relationship, instead of saying, ¨What have you done for me lately?¨ ask yourself, ¨What have I given lately?¨ And,¨What can I give today?¨ We all know that giving feels better than receiving. When you approach communication in this manner you will eventually emerge from your drama and get more goodness from the people around you. Try it and let me know...
Best to you!

Kelly
www.transitioncounselling.com

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